((((((((((((Andi)))))))))))))))
Thanks for that, sweetheart. Sometimes even those of us who are doing better most days have our moments of darkness still...thanks for shining a light for us.
love,
essie
Ghost of Esmeralda
JoinedPosts by Ghost of Esmeralda
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7
Quote of the day
by Billygoat in"following the light of the sun, we left the old world.
" - christopher columbus
some of you understand my struggles with depression in the past.
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Your Username
by RAYZORBLADE inthere are many reasons why we choose a username.
on this forum, aside from some of the more obvious names associated with our avatars, what does your nickname/username mean or refer to?.
some are first names.
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Ghost of Esmeralda
And how about those who posted, and are gone but not forgotten: bboyenko, bittrermango, TweetieBird, Seeker, Esmeralda, closer2fine, PiercedAngel, (now that was a story) Kismet, mommy, Mindchild, ladonna, OUTLAW.
Awww, XJW, so sweet to be remembered after all this time! But, er, hi honeys, I'm...um...home?
I was/am Esmeralda. When I came back I didn't want to bug Simon to reactivate the old account. Since I thought I'd moved past everything that the JW's had done to me (ha! since they're still doing it, boy was I off there...) I came back as Essie's Ghost...still haunted by the past.
The nick originally came from the Disney character of Esmeralda from their version of Hunchback of Notre Dame by Victor Hugo. She sang a song in the movie called "God help the outcasts" which I found very moving. She also knew how to kick butt and take care of herself.
Whether or not the character and I also have, er, certain similiar um, physical attributes, I will not comment on
hugs to all, new names or old...
Essie
(still seeking "Sanctuary!")
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fun pic of Bill Bowen, Watters and Hampton in CA
by Dogpatch inthis is a picture of bill bowen, myself and cynthia hampton taken when we had the hassan healing conference a few months ago, it was a great day!.
http://www.randytv.com/bowenvisit1.jpg.
randy watters.
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Ghost of Esmeralda
ooooooooooooooo *squeal*!!!
A great picture of such wonderful people! I remember Cynthia from a women's group I used to post on. (Think I'll have to look them up to say hello!) and of course, a fabulous picture of two men that I admire and think the world of!
Thanks for posting it Randy, you really made me smile
big hugs,
essie
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Feeling Pretty Bad
by rebel ini hate mondays!.
i also feel bad because i have been receiving subtle hints from my hubby that he may be leaving me.
we have been married for 24 years, have 4 beautiful, intelligent children (one is no longer with us), we have been though troubles, worries, the death of our darling claire, money problems - you name it - we've been there.. now - because i have different religious views to him, he doesn't think he can associate himself with me any longer.
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Ghost of Esmeralda
Blondie and Shakita are right. If you haven't given him scriptural grounds for a divorce, he's the one putting himself into a percarious position. According to their own rules he must provide for you and your kids financialy. He's even required to continue providing you with your "marital due" not an easy thing to do, if he were to leave.
Great points guys! This is the first thing I thought of myself, he can't just leave you if you're not demanding he stop going to meetings, etc...if he does, then he is putting his own neck out 'spiritually' so to speak.
I'm so sorry you have to go through all of this, rebel. As others have said, talk about it if you need to, we may not always even know what to say, but we will listen!!!
hugs...
essie
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Sex in the New Book "Learn from the Great Teacher"
by AlanF ini just obtained a copy of one of the new releases from the summer jw district conventions, learn from the great teacher.
this book is oriented towards children, and frankly, is a stereotypical piece of propaganda from the "faithful and discreet slave".
in some ways the book is incredibly revealing, since it has to break down a number of ridiculous jw teachings into a form that even jw children can swallow, and when those teachings are put into simplest form their ridiculousness is evident to everyone but small children and stereotypically braindead jws.
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Ghost of Esmeralda
oh my G...oh wait, that's the fictitious character I don't think I believe in anymore. Oh my EASTER BUNNY! (nod to dedalus) lol
Seriously, though, I have GOT to get my hands on a copy of that book. If my ex tries to 'study' with my seven year old out of that I will NOT be happy. I have to have counter measures ready.
And they expect kids to grow up to have normal marriages after hearing all their lives that it makes the demons happy? Why don't they just call sex the 'original sin' and be done with it!!!!
BAH!!!
totally disgusted...
essie
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Personality Types
by breal inrecently i have run into a few people that wanted to discuss this topic.
i believe i am a type a or driver personality although i know it goes alot deeper than this but confused as i took two tests and came out as esfj and isfj.
imho and based on human nature i have felt that people tend to romantisize there own perceived personality type.. i am interested in this from the standpoint that perhaps what we perceive as our personality type may not be how we come accross to others?!
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Ghost of Esmeralda
I love this topic!
I'm an INFJ myself, and the Keirsey book "Please Understand Me II" addresses all kinds of issues about the way different personality types interact, etc. Try putting that title into Google and see what ya get. I ordered my copy from their website, it's fascinating to me to look at the results of the test of my husband and of others close to me and see how they interact with mine. I can tell you from what I've seen, those temperament tests are dead on (if you answer the questions 100% honestly!)
~essie
edited to add: I just saw this:
I am interested in how our personalities change depending on the situation and the relationship with the one we are interacting as I believe these factors weigh heavily.
Interesting, I thought that my results would certainly be different after five years, (I took the test the first time when I was still in my first marriage, and still in the Borg.) I thought surely, the results would be different after going through so much. But they were exactly the same. Guess the 'me' I really am was in there, underneath it all, all along! So I think that people are, underneath it all, who they really are no matter who they're interacting with. Even if they are on 'best behaviour" around some folks...essentially, if they've got big personality flaws, they're always there. -
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What's The Worst "Encouragement" That You've Recieved From The Brothers?
by minimus inafter reading nina and sadie's experience, i couldn't help but appreciate hearing how the brothers are always trying to "encourage" ones.
how did they try to encourage you?
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Ghost of Esmeralda
...That I should stick by my ex-husband...that he was 'depressed' and that was why he was always yelling, throwing things, and calling me filthy names, among other things. (they just referred to the whole emotional abuse and physical intimidation situation as "his behavior") and that I shouldn't be like Job's wife, but I should be a more supportive wife and "pray more".
That is up there with coming by to 'encourage' me after my second miscarriage and saying "well of course you know the child has no hope for the future" then read me some scripture somewhere where Job had said it'd been better if he'd never been born, "like a hidden miscarriage."
That was the beginning of the end of my faith in Jehovah, and the men he supposedly chose to comfort and protect the flock.
~essie
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Still as lost and confused as ever..
by berylblue in...and i can't believe i posted such an ugly photo of myself...that's not my real hair...it's a perm i got to grow out a spiked do..... anyway, i've missed you all.
got an email from the jw i wrote a long time ago..she basically said, "satan is much smarter than you, and he has you fooled.
this is jehovah's organization....i hope you enjoy your new friends, they will not be around in a few years.
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Ghost of Esmeralda
I hope you enjoy your new friends, they will not be around in a few years. Neither will you. Live it up. Your time is short."
It's loving christian kindness like that which is certain to bring you running back to the gentle arms of Jehovah's organization, isn't it?
"What if she's right?" you ask.
Honey, if she were right, would you really want to live forever with people who have the capacity to be as unkind as she was in her letter to you?
For me, personally, death would be preferable to a future with people like her (and I know plenty of them!!!)
((((((((((((berylblue)))))))))))))))))) Hang in there, and do some research. Once you demystify the doctrines they have oppressed us with all our lives (in my case, since before I was born...) you don't ever have to ask that question again. You just know they're not right.
Don't let her get you down. Life is too short to be unhappy...or doubtful.
hugs
essie
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Do you think will see "The Jehovah's Witnesses University" ????
by run dont walk ini'm amazed the watchtower hasn't started one of these, a guaranteed way to sucker in the youth of the borg.. with oral roberts university as successful as it is, how long to the jw's start one ??????.
what do you think the classes would be called ??????.
- new world translation 101.
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Ghost of Esmeralda
Well Disney has its own "University" to train it's workforce, here's a picture of the one in Anaheim:
...and McDonalds even has a Hamburger University to train managers...
so why shouldn't the next generation of WT drones have a spiffy "Theocratic Degree"? (Course unlike Disney and McDonalds, the WTS doesn't pay you to be brainwashed!)
Can you imagine the Theater Arts program at LFU (Living Forever University)?
"Over-acted pantomime for Bible Dramas 102"
"How to appear repentant in Judicial Committee Hearings 101"
"Advanced lying to Elders 102"
"Fooling the community 101"
And of course, my favorite
"Kingdom Melodies 101: don't laugh, sing."
"Kingdom Melodies 102:Advanced, 101 is prerequisite. Involves prerequisite straight face, with the addition of vocal gymnastics training to hit some of those ridiculously high notes while enunciating words like "totter" and "Nazarite"...
~essie
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What Is Our Responsibility in Life?
by cruzanheart inyesterday sword of jah read the letter i sent to the elders about my dad's death and responded.
he was very kind, even though i called the elders pharisees and the c.o.
stupid and insensitive (i should've been less kind).
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Ghost of Esmeralda
((((((((Cruz)))))))))))))) I do some of my best thinking in the shower too...but not in the morning!!!
I have wondered in the past about this subject, and it came to the point where I had to say "Enough" and refuse to go back. My family struggles with it, but they also know deep in their hearts that the organization has got to stop doing certain things, especially with shunning/df'ing etc.
I feel a responsibility of sorts to tell my story to people, that's why my website is back up, because I don't want anyone to feel as alone as I did when I first left. But it's not like a ministry, though I thought it might be a 'calling' in the beginning days I was on H2O...I know now that my 'calling' in life has nothing to do with religion at all, but in doing the best I can to help others in more practical ways when I can.
It has always annoyed me how JW's turn a blind eye to charity and helping others in 'this old system' saying "it's not the REAL solution." Well, what does a hungry child do in the meantime, if there's no soup kitchen? Can that child wait for "Jehovah to work it all out" in the meantime? No way.
They have missed the whole point of 'loving your neighbor'. They've missed the point of a LOT of things.
I don't even know if I'm making any sense here...just wanted you to know that I'm pondering your post and thinking of you today.
hugs,
essie